I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
