i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
