I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
