I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
