I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
