rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
