How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
