Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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