I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
