He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
