im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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