What did we do last night that was yellow?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
