Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
