i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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