You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
