The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
