The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
