I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
