FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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