I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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