i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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