My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
