I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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