She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
