didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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