This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize