So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
