I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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