they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
