i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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