Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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