i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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