I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
