is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
