I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
