It's Friday. Sex?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
