i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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