Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
