I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
