She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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