about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
