I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
