If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
