Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
