So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
