good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
