based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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