1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
vagina is talking i cant
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
