Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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