If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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