he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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