census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
