I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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