i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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