I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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