every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
