I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
